I think it’s truly sad that there’s so much of a taboo around the word masturbation. So many people, when they hear it, immediately think things like “wrong”, “immoral”, “bad”, “embarrassing”, or even “evil”! And to a degree, I get it — I mean, even here I feel like it’s more appropriate to use the word self pleasure.
But here’s the thing: self pleasure is completely natural when we’re incarnated in a physical body.
It’s natural for anything that is physically manifested to flow in the direction of pleasure. This is why children naturally pleasure themselves when they’re young. It’s only when we get older that we start to pick up baggage around what it means to touch ourselves.
I’m saying it’s time to reframe self pleasure.
Instead of being something dirty or shameful, we should see it for what it really is: a chance to align ourselves mentally, physically, and emotionally, and let the life energy we call Source extend itself into us and through us. Self pleasure isn’t just about orgasm (as wonderful as that is), it’s a state in which our meridians are open, the energy channels and chakras located all over our body start to open and come into alignment.
This is much more than a nice-to-have.
When you’re in a state of alignment, you can grow and heal. In fact, being out of alignment is what causes illness, so when you can put yourself into a state of alignment, you add to your overall health. And this isn’t simply an “energy” thing: during self pleasure and orgasm, your body releases oxytocin and endorphins, both chemicals which naturally relieve pain. Your immune system is mobilized, nourishing blood flow increases throughout your body, your cells have better respiration, and the part of the brain that’s associated with fear and anxiety goes dormant. Even your hormones become more balanced!
Each orgasm you have adds to your health and wellbeing. But it’s also about intimacy.
Self pleasure enhances self-intimacy, which is absolutely crucial for both your growth and your intimacy with other people. Let’s unpack this a little. What is self-intimacy, really? It’s seeing into ourselves, feeling into ourselves, feeling into ourselves, hearing into ourselves, understanding ourselves. And becoming more sexually aware of yourself through experimentation is a great way to increase your intimacy with yourself.
It doesn’t stop with you.
The more self-intimate you are, the more of yourself you’re able to bring to your relationships with other people. You’ll find it so much easier to offer intimacy to someone else if you can learn to offer it to yourself first, and you’ll be surprised at just how much you learn about yourself by engaging with yourself before engaging with other people sexually.
Why is this important? Because if you’re entering into relationships with other people having little or no awareness of yourself as a sexual being, you’re completely at the mercy of your partner’s best guesses. And please, don’t buy into the idea that he or she will “just know” what you want if you two are really connected. How can your partner know what you want if you don’t know yourself? Chances are you’re going to walk away unsatisfied.
It’s even sadder when people are completely alienated from their sexuality.
This is a huge problem for women in the world today. It’s not uncommon for women to avoid thinking about, touching, or educating themselves about any part of the body that they consider to be sexual. If this is the case and you’re a woman in a relationship, you’re at the mercy of inexperience, which can turn your sex life and even your relationship into a complete disaster.
Avoiding your sexuality is a state of resistance to yourself — it’s unhealthy, and it fuels shame.
During orgasm, your awareness and your sense of identity or ego is dissolved. For a brief moment, you can touch your infinite nature. This is the very reason why traditions like Tantra exist — the idea is that you have a shot at touching the infinite, or even achieving enlightenment through sexual expression.
You might not be going for enlightenment just yet. But I do hope you can see just how important self pleasure is.
It’s not only healthy for you, it’s a must for a healthy, conscious life. Freeing ourselves from the constraints of our culture and embracing our sexual selves as the wise, energetic transformers of the world that we can be is the path to inner peace, the place where love is born.
Each exquisite pleasure we experience sews us all together in a web of love.
If you’re struggling to connect with yourself in this way, or simply curious about what life might look like with more pleasure, I’m here to help. Find out more here.