Perfectionism runs rampant in our culture. But have you ever thought about where it actually stems from? At its heart, perfectionism comes from connecting your worth as a person to your performance, and how close it is to whatever you consider to be “perfect”. You might already know that chasing perfection is just setting yourself up for failure, because nothing will ever be “good enough”, which in turn will make you feel like you’re not good enough.
But what if everything was really perfect, all the time? It would be boring as hell!
When everything is perfect, there’s no need to grow and evolve. We only grow and evolve in those times when we’re uncomfortable. It’s only when we actually make mistakes that we can learn from them. But here’s the very, very important nuance to understand:
Nothing will ever be perfect. But that doesn’t mean anything’s wrong with you.
The idea that there’s something wrong with you, or that you’ve failed, or that you somehow need to improve is just your ego dominating your life. If you want to have a happy life, you have to let go of that idea that you can somehow reach perfection, because that’s just your ego buying into the “right vs wrong” story in the form of success vs failure.
The deeper longing behind perfectionism is the desperate desire to be loved based on who you are, not what you do.
And that love has to start with you! Give yourself that compassion, especially those aspects of you that feel so unlovable.
Perfectionists avoid disapproval, but the more you do this the more you burden yourself with unattainable aspirations. So become OK with being disapproved of, not because you just don’t care about anyone else, but because you know that you have your own love to fall back on. When you really love and approve of yourself, you will be “good enough”, and free from these unnecessary burdens.
Your worth is inherent.
You’re an extension of Source; you were born with worth and you will die with worth. You can’t lose it, you can’t get rid of it, you can only deny it in yourself.
So look for proof of your own worth. Even better, write it down! Ask yourself, “When I was born, was I worthy of anything I desired?” You already know the answer. At the core of your being, you are unique, priceless, precious, and valuable. You are an endless sea of potential, wonderful and beautiful.
You don’t need to justify yourself to anyone, yourself included. So forget about perfectionism — and you’ll find your true self.
Want some help as you go on this journey from perfectionism to personhood? I’m here for you. Click here to find out how to work with me.