I see so many people who are chronic worriers. Whether it’s their job, their relationships, their kids, or even something as innocuous as the weather, they’ve got a worry about it, day and night.
I always feel compassionate towards these people — because, from one perspective, worrying makes sense. We tend to think that worrying allows us to see potential outcomes and thus prepare for them.
Just one problem…
We live in a Universe that works based on the law of attraction, which means that you tend to get what you focus on, whether you want it or not. So if you’re focusing over and over again on what you don’t want, the Universe doesn’t hear the part that says that you don’t want it. It just responds to your focus, so focusing on something you don’t want is as good as inviting it.
Think I’m crazy? Try this:
Right now, I want you to not think of a blue elephant. OK, what immediately popped into your mind? A blue elephant. Your mind latched onto the idea of “blue elephant” without stopping to think about the “not”.
Of course, the same applies in the positive to. Focus on something you want, and the Universe listens to that focus. The point here is that anything you focus on becomes a part of your reality, whether you want it or not. So all of that worrying and hashing out possible negative scenarios so they don’t have an impact on you? Is just inviting those things to happen.
And because we tend to think that worry is good for us, we also tend to think that pain is good for us. It doesn’t feel good to worry, it’s emotionally painful! There’s a very strong sense of powerlessness in it.
So now that you know this, are you going to keep wasting your time focusing on a scenario that you don’t want to happen … and thus create it in the process? I didn’t think so!
Do this instead.
Focus on what you would rather have happen. And no, you’re not going to jinx it. Some people think that there’s a consequence for having a positive focus, or they feel like they’re undeserving, and so need to suffer. But focusing on problems instead of solutions creates more problems, and then of course, that thought of “I jinxed it” or “I don’t deserve this” seems true.
We’d so often rather be right than free of pain.
OK, so you’re committed to getting rid of worry. But you might find now that you start to worry about worrying! Don’t let yourself get sucked into it. Acknowledge your anxious thoughts and feelings. Don’t try to ignore them, fight them, or control them. Instead, simply observe them, without judgment. You can’t try to douse your worry in positive thinking. You have to acknowledge the worry first.
Yes, it’s a mental game that you’re playing with yourself, and it’s up to you which side of you is going to win — the worrying side or the positive solution solver.
Know this: it takes time to retrain your mind so that it focuses on what you want, so be patient with yourself.
The worrying side of you is going to fight back. But when it does, just say “Thank you,” and focus on what you want. Slowly, that focus on what you want will become your natural way of being.
You have to convince yourself that worrying does not serve a positive purpose. So when it does fight back, ask yourself, “Does worrying do me any good?”
Here are some other things to try…
— Try disassociating yourself from your worry by asking yourself, “What would I say to a friend who has this worry?”
— You can also get some distance by keeping a worry journal. Expressing your worries and getting them out of your head can be incredibly healing!
— If you’re worrying about something that you have some kind of control over, try evaluating a course of action. Make a list of possible solutions, and an action plan — then actually take action! It will immediately quiet your worry. And if you can’t come up with anything to do, ask yourself whether your worry is real or just a “what if” worry. You may be surprised by how many of your worries turn out to be imaginary!
— Embrace uncertainty. Some of us feel safer when we’re worrying, but this is just an illusion, and it makes you miss out on the good things you have in the present. Uncertainty is a much better state to be in than your worries about worst case scenarios.
— Stay focused on the present. If you focus on the present moment, you’ll soon notice something interesting: nothing is wrong right now. There is peace and safety in the present moment.
— Stop being obsessed with having things done right. Universally, there is no right or wrong. You’re never going to get everything done, because that’s the nature of expansion and endless possibilities.
Is it going to be easy? No. But worrying is a habit, and like any other habit, it can be broken. I know you can do it!
Ready to break the worry habit for good? I’m here to help! Find out how you can work with me here.