Everybody likes to be liked … but sometimes, that very natural desire can get out of control. You end up attaching too much value to what other people think of you, so much so that it actually reduces your quality of life. You might think it’s just a habit (or that it’s just the way things are), but really, all of this behavior comes back to one deeply rooted belief:
“I am not enough.”
If you believe that, then of course it makes sense to allow yourself to be taken advantage of all the time. But here’s the thing. Your self worth does not depend on the approval of others; it’s simply your perception of yourself. And the way to break out of the difficult, draining, and unfulfilling experience of people pleasing is to simply recognize this:
You are good. You are worthy. And you are enough.
Recognizing your self worth will move you to have better self esteem, which in turn will move you to a vibration of self love. And when you’re in that position of self love, suddenly, you can let go of what other people do. Your self worth no longer depends on the approval of others.
OK, but what does that look like practically?
Realize that your beliefs aren’t always true, they’re just something you adopted in the process of growing up. Stop comparing yourself to others, and stop personalizing other people’s reactions to you. Stop blaming others, assuming, using “should” statements and judging.
Instead of getting hyperfocused on the things you lack, ask yourself, “How am I enough?” And stop criticizing yourself — some people think doing this is being humble, but actually, it stems from self-hatred. When you feel that inner critic start to kick in, stop yourself in that moment and cultivate enough awareness of that thought so you can figure out which other thoughts might serve you better. And thank your critic in a loving way, because ultimately, it’s trying to keep you safe, even if it goes about it in destructive ways.
And when you speak to yourself, do it like you’re talking to a friend for whom you care very much. Become your own best friend, and put yourself first on your list of priorities. Just remember that this doesn’t necessarily mean you should be doing more — self care should not be one more thing on your to do list! Productivity and doing, doing, doing has nothing to do with your self worth.
Finally, look at the people around you, and consider letting the toxic ones, the ones who make you feel bad, the ones who feed that inner critic, go. If you feel guilty doing this, know that letting them go isn’t an act of cruelty. It’s an act of deep, powerful self care.
Above all, know this: at the very core of your being, you are a good, precious, valuable, unique, lovable, eternal person.
You were born worthy and you will die worthy. The Universe/God did not take anything away from you. You are the light that can express yourself in beautiful ways or in ugly ways — the choice is yours. The Universe has no judgment, but you must choose for yourself what you give your power to.
Here’s my challenge to you: meditate on the thought, “I am good enough”.
Make it a daily mantra, put it on repeat in the back of your mind. Even if you have to fake it for a while, it will have huge, cumulative effects on your life. So give it a try, and let me know how it goes!